Staying Afloat
by theghostqueen
Summary: Sam and Will, denying the odds just to stay afloat. "They sink each other every time just to swim to the surface again." SamxWill, becoming what they are and what they were meant to be.  Monster one-shot, slightly non-linear. Proud of this piece.


Maybe he'll lose the race and win the marathon.

/

It's buried deep under the surface- maybe that's why it took so long to realize it. They really don't mean to become so much more than friends united by a common cause- it just happened.

They sink each other every time just to swim to the surface again.

Sam and Will, denying the odds just to stay afloat.

/

Separation is safe- a barrier from the bleak foretellings of his demise. Sam gets close anyway, of course- machoism at its finest. He starts to realize his feelings have been a long time coming- the seed was planted as soon as Will shoved a gun in Simmon's chest, sticking up for Sam even though he didn't know him-

just that he was the only link to life.

/

Will shoves this otherworldly artifact into Sam's arms and tells him that he is a soldier now, while he stands there and tries to form a coherent way to blatantly refuse. He doesn't let him refuse, so there is really no choice left but to listen to him.

Maybe he should thank him, because it worked out well. After all, he had killed the villain in chief. He doesn't, though, because he sees Mikayla, goddess of all he thought he wanted, waiting for him.

He doesn't make her wait much longer; she is the anchor.

Anchor to sanity, anchor to serenity, anchor to safety.

But not really- just a dead weight dragging him down into the misconceptions of his own feelings.

/

Apparently Will trusts him enough to put his career on the line at his secondhand words. Sam loves the chance to return the favor of making a good call. It isn't surprising at all he listens to him- he has no other choice, there is no other option for Optimus.

But if Simmons had called without Sam would Will have made the same decision?

He dies the day after that- the last thing he feels is Will trying to revive him, but he feels death calling to him, so he obligues.

He talks to the Great Primes and is unfathomably honored, so much that he can't even begin to describe it to anyone but Optimus. He doesn't need to describe it to Will, though- he understands. Will is the only other human as immersed in their culture as he is- though Epps comes very close.

He doesn't bother trying to tell Mikayla- she wouldn't understand, anyway.

/

He awakens to Mikayla's cries of "I love you, Sam" and he tells her he loves her too, because he did.

Glady, he leaves her a moment later to revive the greatest hero he's ever known. He feels thrilled when Optimus comes back to life, because he managed not to kill his favorite hero. He knows there is something a little stronger than before between him and Optimus.

They are connected by a sacrifice and a redemption.

/

Mikayla breaks up with him one day and they both knew it was coming. They promised to stay friends, but let's be honest- Sam is the savior of the world and he doesn't have any time in his life for someone who really didn't want to be there.

Sam smiles on the way home because he had felt tension he didn't even know he was carrying around dissipate at their breakup. They were both bad actors- so they had decided to just stop pretending.

It's still a while before he realizes who he's really supposed to be with.

/

Carly was the phoenix rising from the ashes of their awful first meeting. He truly loved her, and the thing he's done that he hates most- other than getting Optimus Prime killed- is breaking her heart. He had started to think of her as mostly a friend.

He had started to think of a certain Will Lennox as more than a friend.

/

Sam's never been really ambitious- except for the whole "stone-cold killer" deal- so it's hard for him to try to take what he wants. So he doesn't; he just tries not to stare too hard or too long.

Will catches him staring one time, and he hesitantly grins at Sam. Epps starts to talk to him, though, and they both look away.

The magic is gone in a moment.

/

It's only a few weeks after his breakup with Carly that Sarah shows up at Diego Garcia. She looks odd, out of place; a gentle woman surrounded by sharp blades. The look on her face was as far from gentle as it gets, however, when she shoves a pile of papers into her husband's chest. She storms off without saying a word to Will and everyone watches her leave.

Will's mouth hangs open but he doesn't look completely surprised.

Sam feels guilty about their divorce, for some reason. Maybe it's because if you would have given the Autobots the glasses a little quicker, Will would never have been so submerged in this mess?

It's one less obstacle in the obstacle course, one more cheat code to the game of getting what you want.

But then again, Sam doesn't cheat and he's never been particularly ambitious.

/

He knocks on the door of Will's barrack the next day.

"How are you holding up?" he asks, while Will rubs his eyes sleepily.

"I'm… fine," he said with forced conviction. "It's just, Annabelle, you know? But the divorce… I'm surprised she waited this long, actually. It still felt bad. That was what was surprising. I had been braced for it but it still hurt."

They talk a bit longer about it, though there isn't much to be said. They stand awkwardly in the doorway until Epps roars from the beginning of the hallway, "You'll talk to him but you won't talk to me?", and Will's eyes widen.

"I have been avoiding him all day," he chuckles nervously. "Tell him you were just delivering my lunch." Sam smiles gratefully and likes the feeling he gets in his stomach when Will smiles back.

He manages to escape just before Epps gets there, but he doesn't miss the glare Epps shoots at him. It's okay- he knows he and Epps are buddies. Epps is just a little overprotective. He goes back into his room and has this stupid grin on his face he can't seem to get rid of.

It's like a smudge mark that won't wash off.

/

Later that day, he talks to Bumblebee, laughing and enjoying the moment. He's surprised and disappointed when he finds out Bee is leaving tomorrow with the majority of NEST and the 'Bots to hunt down 'Cons in South America.

"Oh," he says because he can't think of much else. "I'll miss you. It was awfully naive of me to think…"

"You are not naïve at all," Bee stresses, "I should have told you sooner."

No- he is just a wishful thinker with the worst intentions.

He had pleaded to be allowed to go with them. They had refused- no unnecessary risks, Sam!

He puts up a pretty good fight because he hates being left behind even more than he hates being a liability.

He admits defeat with the smallest of sighs because it was oh so silly to ask in the first place.

/

It was supposed to be a relatively low-risk mission.

It seemed like all the worst situations start out as low-risk missions.

God, he can't bear to lose anyone else.

/

It's about two hours before everyone is scheduled to leave, and Sam wants to say goodbye but he's peeved at Will because Will could have convinced everyone to let him come. He can either say goodbye and give up any pretense of saving face, or he can ignore him and regret it for the next three days.

Ah, therein lies the paradox.

He actually doesn't mean to but he says goodbye anyway, like a train that can not quite hit it's breaks quick enough. Sam stands on the pavement, watching everyone gear up and prepare to leave. Will walks up to him then, in full gear, like some kind of knight in camouflage armor.

"Hey," Will says and grimaces playfully. "Hope you aren't too bored without us around here to entertain you."

Sam grins. "I think it's the other way around."

Sideswipe informs Will it's time to leave, like he didn't already know. Will smiles and says, "See you soon," with that careless grin of his.

This is the first time Sam notices the tiny scar on the left side of his chin that catches the morning sun. Will turns to go but Sam says, "Wait."

Will raises his eyebrows at him. "I'll miss you. Be careful."

Will makes him lose his focus for a few seconds with that smile. "I'll miss you too."

Will waves and backs away.

"And you know we're always careful."

If only that was enough.

/

A million possible tragedies and one happy ending. What card do you think they'll draw?

/

"I can't-" Will started to protest, before Sam crushed his lips onto his.

"Please."

A huge grin slowly came about Will's face.

"Beg."

/

It just so happens that Sam and Will kind of like to stroll on the beach, hand in hand. They grin at each other as their touches dig into the soft sand. The afternoon sun sets behind them, just a backdrop to their splendor. The clouds rolled across the sky like barrels of marshmallows and if you listened close enough, you could hear the sounds of a helicopter landing, and if you ignored the beach breeze you would notice the abnormally strong wind. They slow to a stop and stare out into the foamy ocean, which was only half a foot away. The waves lapped over their bare feet lazily, as if the touch of human skin disgusted the ocean, but it was so curious it kept coming back for another touch.

"Your such a sap," Sam says as he turns to Will. "Some military man."

Will laughs and pushes Sam into the waves, the sound of Sam's "Hey!" drowned out by Will's hearty laughter.

/

Sam and Will- Diego Garcia's best kept secret, though it seemed as if everyone already knew. Perhaps a more apt statement would be; Sam and Will, Diego Garcia's biggest secret.

/

Bumblebee looked at Optimus Prime, his metallic thumb indicating the retreating figures of Sam and Will.

"What are your thoughts on this new development?" Bumblebee asks as they stood alone in the Autobot hangar.

"I think that it will be a positive change for the both of them," Optimus started. "However, some humans would frown upon their relationship, and until not long ago, their public relationship would have resulted in Will getting discharged out of the military. They seem to be happy with each other, however, and it appears to be a much healthier and upbeat relationship than their previous ones."

Bumblebee was quiet for a moment as his optics roamed across the nearly empty hanger. "Things sure will be more interesting."

Optimus chuckled. "Interesting? Perhaps catastrophic."

/

Will is a military man and for the longest time he's had something to fight for. He always finds himself looking for new things to fight for, new damsels in distress to save, even though his plate is already overflowing with righteous causes and new projects.

Epps and Will end up in New York City one crisp November evening to visit Epps' family. They have a little time to themselves, however. For a few minutes, they watch the television in hopes of finding something to do.

And this is how, just a half hour later, Epps finds himself a march to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell.

This is how Epps finds himself in the middle of a Gay Pride parade.

Will realizes later that night that he owed Epps one. Or two. Well, let's be honest- five. But it's worth all the chicken and food he'll eventually have to buy to see everyone's reaction when they find out where Will spends his time one crisp November evening.

Will just needs something to fight for that will always have battles to be fought. He thinks his relationship with Sam is that one cause to fight relentlessly for.

He just needs something to fight for.

/

The huge, menacing, silver operating tables in Ratchet's medbay at the NEST base are more than enough to creep Sam out.

"There is nothing wrong with you," Ratchet concludes as he finishes running his optics over Sam, doubtlessly running a multitude of scans. "You are dismissed."

"Wait! Ratchet!" Sam says as Ratchet turns around to look at him with a condescending glare. "Your little scans don't know everything, okay? My stomach still hurts and I really don't think I should be up and walking around."

"Are you on your menstrual cycle?"

"WHAT! NO!" Sam says about ten times too loudly. "You know, it's not, you know tha-"

"Yes, I am perfectly aware that only females of the human race have menstrual cycles. My scans are more accurate than you could even understand. I asked you the question to annoy you and I received the satisfactory reaction. You are in perfect health and I have important matters to deal with. Come back when you have an authentic medical condition that requires my attention."

Sam sighed loudly. Oh God, he really didn't want to leave. This was supposed to be his escape. He didn't feel like facing the world, especially Will. God… he was in love with Will! The concept was, as he knew, entirely true yet hard to wrap his brain around. He figured there was about… 30-ish years before he could look at Will without blushing and turning into a blubbering idiot.

"And Sam," Ratchet called back from where he was working under a part that looked like it could be a replacement arm for Optimus. "If you don't vacate my medbay within thirty seconds, I will not hesitate to forcibly remove you."

Crap. Sam had almost forgotten about him. Where was Bumblebee when you needed him? He had two options, it seemed: face Will and the world or face an angry Ratchet. He really didn't want to see Will, but an angry Ratchet might result in a dead Sam, and at the moment Sam had a lot to live for. He jumped out of the plush chair, placed on the left side of the medbay for the human's comfort, and hastily left the medbay.

The run from the medbay to his room was the fastest he had ever run when his life didn't depend on it.

/

"It's been repealed," Will said, completely dumbfounded. "Huh."

"Oh," said Sam, obviously not at his most coherent. "Well. That's interesting."

"That's good."

Sam stared deep into Will's chocolate brown eyes, trying to gauge his reaction. "I don't think we should…"

"Nah. Not yet."

"Yeah. Whoever matters, knows, anyway."

"You realize they are probably going to throw a huge party tonight because of this, right?"

Sam grinned. "Yeah. Unnecessary, but sounds fun."

"Fun, indeed. Just don't get so drunk this time."

"At least I can hold my liqueur." Sam said, with mock offense on his features.

Will huffed. "Shut up."

"Make me."

Ask and you shall receive.

/

It's a Tuesday when Sam Witwicky dies.

The world is painted mahogany with blood. The stars weep in their grief and pellets of sorrow shoot from the sky.

Ratchet carries his battered body away on a stretcher with his head down. Optimus and Bumblebee had left hours ago.

But Will just stares.

It's a Tuesday when Sam Witwicky will die.

Will wakes up with a raspy throat and a pounding head.

/

Sam feels notsogood once in a while. He starts to doubt himself and hate himself and it's at these times he needs Will most.

Will, Bumblebee, and Optimus Prime were the only ones who had ever seen Sam feel notsogood. It's near impossible for Bumblebee or Optimus to make him feel better because they are often the reasons he feels guilty in the first place, and seeing them damaged because of "him" makes him feel even worse.

The first time Will makes Sam feel better, he has three cracked ribs, but that's okay; you would be surprised the injuries that an army uniform can hide.

He knocks on the wooden door of Sam's temporary barrack. He, Leo, and Mikayala had been ordered to stay in Washington, D.C for debriefings and political shit for a few days after the incident in Egypt.

"Yeah?" Sam called out, sounding like a more raw version of himself- the unedited version, the rough draft.

"It's Will. Can I come in? Some of my men want to know how you are holding up." He said exactly what Bumblebee had told him to say. Sam was much too selfless to deny people that had just fought with him, comrades of the men who had just died for "him".

There is a thumping sound and the sound of something sliding across the carpet, like he's in a hurry to hide something. He appears at the door a few seconds later, wearing a grey tee shirt and basketball shorts. His eyes are bloodshot and his shoulders are slumped. His face twists at Will in what was meant to be a smile, but in fact looked like a grimace. He steps back to give Will room to enter.

Will looks at him as he shuts the door behind them. "I guess I'll sit on the bed," he mumbles, a bit too low for a brain-dead Sam to hear. Sam sits on the opposite side of the bed, resting his back against the bed post. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," he says stubbornly.

"I heard you weren't feeling very well."

"I just almost caused fucking Alien World War Two. Sorry if I'm not jumping for joy."

"Sam," Will sighs. "Listen to yourself. Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?"

Sam shifts his eyes to glare at him, Will's words obviously not the best ones.

"What I mean," Will tries again, "is that none of this is your fault. With or without you, it would have happened, so there is no use in feeling sorry."

"How can you tell me that?" Sam demands. "Your men died, all because I had one of our enemies call you and invite you to Egypt on our behalf. I think we should definitely feel sorry. We're fucking horrible people if we don't feel sorry."

"That's not how it works. You trust me, okay? There have been times when I knew I was going to die. I knew it with all my heart. We're soldiers Sam, we don't expect people to have a second thought about our deaths because they are almost expected. We do not want people to feel sorry. All we want is to be remembered by what we did for our country."

Sam was silent for a moment as Will let his words sink in.

"Are you sure?" Sam asked, staring at him intently and a more serious expression on his face than he had ever seen.

"So sure," Will said, matching Sam's tone, "that we will hold the soldiers who have passed a memorial later, so they will be remembered by the great sacrifice they made our country. Do you like that idea?"

Sam stared out into space and nodded slowly. "When?"

"At dusk. But you have to promise me one thing, one thing for me and the soldiers who have passed."

"What?"

"After this, let it go. It's what they would want. "

Sam nods and almost smiles.

Right before Will leaves, he turns around and is about to say goodbye to Sam when something catches his eye from under Sam's bed. It's a picture that had been taken a few months ago. It was the only picture they had together- all of NEST and the 'Bots. It was only partially under the bed, as if it was thrown there hastily. Then, Will remembers the noise he had heard before entering Sam's barrack.

Sam treasured his moments at NEST a bit more than he let on, didn't he?

Will stares at Sam for a few seconds. Sam looks around the room and catches him looking and raises his eyebrows. Will tells him goodbye and Sam waves in reply, and well, he puts his dark side away for quite a while after that.

/

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" Will asks as he strides into the hangar. Epps, Sam, and Captain Graham look at Will oddly.

"What?" Epps asks, a look of slight disbelief on his face.

"Which came first?"

"I don't know, man-" Epps started.

"Just answer the question, it's important."

"The chicken," Sam chimed in confidently.

"How can you be so sure?"

"I don't know, I just am."

It's quiet for a moment as they contemplate this. "Which came first, the Autobot or the sparkling?"

Everyone else groans, but Sam and Will just grin at each other while Optimus Prime walks in.

/

Sam had never thought Leo Spitz could be intimidating, no matter how many beers he had, but here he was, sober and in Leo Spitz's company, almost afraid for his life.

"You had all those sexy ladies and you wasted them?" Leo cried out. He paced around the room, his hands running through his thick hair. "You wasted them?"

Sam sighed. He should have known this wouldn't go well.

"Oh, man. I can't fucking believe you. Estúpido idiota! ¿Qué te pasa?"

"No, come on. Not that mile-a-minute Spanish shit. Think of it this way: now they are all gonna be vunerable, and maybe you can pick them up." Sam said with a huge eye roll as soon as Leo turned.

"Yeah! Yeah! Oh my God, all the women..."

"See, problem solved right?"

Leo stared at him for a few seconds. "Your goddamn lucky I didn't have a heart attack, you know? I have lawyers and my mother would have kicked your ass, Sam."

"I apologize."

"Okay. Okay. I'm over it. But I swear to God, if you ever try to hit on me, I will freak-"

"You don't need to worry about that," Sam said with a cringe. "I'm only gay for Will."

/

William Lennox dies on a Tuesday.

/

"It's just a war," says a figure, hiding in the shadows.

"Oh," says Sam.

/

"You've lost your touch," Will remarks flatly behind a ping pong table.

"Never," Sam said with a sigh. "You've just gotten better."

"I don't think… That's not true."

"I wanted to see if we are still the same, but I don't know if we are."

"We've gotten better," Will said nonchalantly, passing a ping pong ball back and forth between his hands.

"You've gotten better."

"You are just off your game."

"As I have been, for quite a while."

"Look, we can't… I don't know what you're trying to say. Yeah, things have been rough, but let's just stop pretending that we're still talking about ping pong."

"I'm sorry," Sam said, shaking his head. "I'm acting weird."

"No, I know what you are trying to say. We just keep going. We don't stop."

"We get to the pillars?" Sam joked sarcastically, with a curt laugh that twisted his features.

"Whatever you want to call it."

"As long as we don't knock the pillar over."

"I'd rather die than knock the proverbial pillar over."

Sam smiled. "Me too."

"Let's just forget, okay? Let's just go back to a couple of months ago when shit was better."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Maybe it is."

"Then why didn't we do it before?" Sam left the ping pong table and paced around the room, his hands in his pockets.

"Well, we are doing it now."

"Yeah."

"Okay?"

"Okay," Sam said with a smile.

"Okay. Back to the beginning it is," said Will.

"Back to the best part," Sam agreed with a grin. "Except for the future, of course."

/

_Holyshitholyshitholyshit_- Will had never been more relieved to be alive than he had when he landed on Bumblebee's hood after... killing Starscream? Holy. Shit.

The sad part is, Will is way more shocked than Sam. He's a soldier though, and he moves on quickly, though he has to fight the urge to press himself up against Sam and- Woah.

The truth is that is takes both of their closest brushes with death to realize their feelings and just how strong they were.

He never forgets that feeling he had when they killed Starscream and didn't even die, though- fucking Sam and Will, untouchable, invincible for a few seconds and he remembers that for the rest of his fucking life.

/

Sam Witwicky and Will Lennox never truly die, maybe.

Or maybe they do.

/

Fin.

**Disclaimer: Transformers doesn't belong to me.**

**AN: Finally finished. I really started to lose interest at the end, and that's why it took so long to finish. I wrote this because I felt like there was not nearly enough SamxWill fanfics on here. I worked pretty hard on most of this... Thanks for reading! Let me know what chu think! It's not properly checked for mistakes, wah my apologies, no beta and I just wanted it to be over with. Happy holidays guyssssssss:)**


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